of late: April, May and June Musings

                                                                          1/ Portland, J style: flowers & pies

                                                                          2/ Portland, B style: ciders & mac n' cheese hotdogs

                                                                          3/ Spring: our garden, our picnics

                                                                          4/ School: celebration & mes noveaux amis

                                                                          5/ Peonies: before & after

                                                                          6/ Sunday adventures: Dog Mountain views

                                                                          7/ Babies: Marge's new little love & the twins

                                                                          8/ Indian Arm: views & berries

                                                                          9/ Celebration: so much to rejoice over

                                                                        10/ Hope: solstice & end of year margaritas

Of late...

April, May and June were//

A whole season of joy. 

Does anyone out there not like these months? What spring can bring? Every year, it is a time where I bumble around saying to the blue sky: I can't believe it! You're back; to the flowers and the bees: I love you, marry me!; to the sun and the rain: Thank you for everything.

Life was so full this season that I had to get out my daily diary to see what had happened, why I have to lump all the months together this time--and I could barely get through a week's worth of entries without wanting to share some snippet or memory.

There was a lot. I have a lot. 

Even in the moments when I am very tired, so overwhelmed, inexplicably sad... I am just plum dumb lucky to have what I have. 

What Did You Love?//  

♥ The amount of times B has come through for us in his humble, hard-working, nurturing way. I can't cook dinner or do laundry because of a deadline? No problem. He's on it. I'm stress crying again? He holds me like a little lamb.

♥ The best friend is having a baby, which means another nugget to love and love and love

♥ Dancing in my sky-high green Amsterdam heels with my lovely new friends and celebrating the end of  intense UBC classes

♥ New recipe: BBQ zuch/spring onion salad from My New Roots with lemongrass sausages was an A+ home run

♥ Snow and sunshine and mango guacamole on a hike up Dog mountain.

♥ Every time I chose to bike to work.

♥ Having the whole side of an island to ourselves and eating chocolate under moonlight on our canoe trip up Indian Arm

♥ Spending time with my parents learning about their childhood for a family therapy genogram project. They are rad.

♥ Spontaneous date nights to Anh and Chi, Tacofino, Noodle Box, Red Wagon-- pretty much any time I get to eat with my husband and no one has to cook or clean. GROWN UP HEAVEN.

♥ June celebrations: sis turns 30! dad turns 65! parents' marriage turns 37! momma is officially a retiree! 

♥ The teaching school year coming to an end, with both of us bone-tired but with more compassion, more skills, more confidence. This marks seven years of us in the profession. 

On School, this Round//  

I was that student in undergrad that would put off her papers until literally the night before, start at 11pm, and write until 7 in the morning. Then, I'd skip class to sleep and eventually bus to school to hand in my paper, and slink away. I always got A's. 

I don't do that anymore, and yet, each major assignment still twists my brain into a sailor's knot, and my spine into a pretzel. Like every time. I procrastinate over written work, and obsess over presentations. The entire back of my head becomes a heavy slug. I binge watch comfort TV and eat commiseration doughnuts (not to be confused with celebration doughnuts). 

All of it is rooted in my specific brand of perfectionism and I am trying to unlearn some patterns. It is hard when bad habits still yield top scores, and you misthink: Clearly, this seems to be working...

Both /And (as opposed to Either/ Or) : I am proud of myself for being such a hard working, thoughtful, & creative individual AND I need to chill the fuck out.

Portland!//

YAAAAAAAAAS. What a gift we gave ourselves! I know a lot of you who go semi-regularly, but I haven't been in a few years and Bry has never been... 

It was just delightful. Maybe one of the top three highlights of the whole year. 

My second morning, I soaked in the gorgeous tub at our Airbnb, dumped vast amounts of epsom salts in the water, as I quietly wept to myself. Just kidding about the last part. I read a food magazine about stuff I was about to eat in Portland. I played Bon Iver from my phone. They have a rain shower the size of my office at home, where I rinsed off. It was like the most romantic solo date ever. 

I think B's top moment was either when we walked into Portland Cider and his face slackened as he realized there were 28 ciders on tap (versus the 1 or the 0 in Vancouver), or when we went to Fred Meyer and there was a city-block's worth of craft beer and cider in their fridges, a bar, and a guy who gave him taste tests of everything on tap. 

I almost penned a whole separate blog post on these three days, but I eventually couldn't summarize how it all felt like such a haven from the long days of work and school. Everything I was writing felt inadequate.

So, trust that we will be saving nickles and dimes to go again, and as a general public service announcement: the burgers we had at Deschutes Brewery were the best ones we've had since New York.

On Feminism//

On April 13th in my journal, I wrote: I am feeling the patriarchy lately. 

As I get older, the systems that conspire to separate us become more and more palpable. I become more furious. I don't want my godson to grow up in a world where he is told he has to man up, that tears are for the weak, that chasing girls is an integral aspect of his boyhood. I don't want any future daughters to think her body is anything but her own (not from the school administrators that police her spaghetti strapped tank top; or politicians that say what she can and cannot do with her own womb; not from someone at a party who finds it encouraging that she is just a bit too drunk to say no.)

It's weird and insulting when I say something and it gets dismissed, just to have B say the same exact thing again, and have nods all around. (This truly happens more than you think.)

I am tired of us vs. them, cats vs. dogs, emotion vs. logic, venus vs. mars.

I want to be listened to, and I want to listen to you.

Privilege based on gender is an important thing to recognize: whether you have it or you don't. 

On a lighter note, this response to a Dr. Seuss story made me LOL. 

Current not-real-but-real problems//

- Making lunch

- What length to cut my hair

- How to get my bike on a bus

Upcoming// 

I wear birkenstocks every day and give fashion a break for the summer.

I bike up and down and up and down and grow very strong indeed.

I swim / flail in the ocean in my blue bathing suit, and watch salt dry on my skin while squishing Rowan's cheeks. 

I try Aquafit!

The days are long now, and so is my fondness for all of you.

With all my love,

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